


Yell Heah

by qriae (rafis)



Category: Dreamwastaken, Technoblade - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27603299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rafis/pseuds/qriae
Summary: Techno can navigate Minecraft worlds with ease, but a broken relationship and the possibility of true love test how well he can manage in the real world. Techno x Dream. TW for ED behaviour. :)
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Dave | Technoblade
Comments: 25
Kudos: 351





	1. Chapter 1 - Things fall apart

**Author's Note:**

> Techno's real name is Techno Blake in this because I think it's funny.

It had been a long time coming. You could only spend so long living in your parents house when you yelled all night and your keyboard noises could be classified as ‘softcore machine gun.’ Techno had been scouting apartments both in his area and across the country for almost half a year, but it was finally time. The Florida apartment was perfect, one bedroom and one bathroom, 15 minutes from town and a 20 minute drive to his girlfriend’s flat. The property manager had been nothing but helpful, video-chatting to show him the ins and outs of the apartment beforehand. His bond paid, Techno had a month until his tenancy started and he could step into a new, Floridian life. 

“TECHNOOOO” cried a distressed Tommy, avatar ticking with pixelated fire. “Nope, that’s it, I’m done, I’m ending the stream here - goodnight everyone.” 

Techno laughed, hearing Tommy’s quick clicks. He placed some blocks, getting ready to log off of the server. The sound of a door opening creaked through Tommy’s microphone. 

“Yup Mum, I’m all done now. Sorry.” A pause. “Yeah, I will. Goodnight.”

“Woke your parents up?” Techno asked.

“Yeah must have been a bit loud, oops.” Tommy laughed. “Don’t you still live with your parents as well?” 

“Yeah, I don’t scream like a baby though”

“Hey! My screams are very dignified! Like a… hawk or something. I don’t know.” 

Techno chuckled, logging out of the Minecraft world. “Actually, I am moving out in a month, I signed the place last week.”

“Oh, no way! Are you moving far?”

“To Florida, so same country but I won’t be in the same state as my family anymore.”

“Oh cool, I think Dream lives in Florida, you guys could meet up!” Tommy’s voice brightened.

Techno laughed. “If he lets me see his face…”

“I can’t wait until I’m eighteen and can get my own place. I don’t want to have to worry about waking my parents up everytime I stream past ten pm.”

“Make the most of it, kid”

“Shut up Techno, you still live with your parents! You’re no better than me!”

Techno just laughed in response, leaving the discord channel. He heard his phone buzz from across the room. Stretching, he stood and checked the screen. 

_ 1 new message. _

The screen lit up. It was his girlfriend, Riya. 

“ _ congrats but soz i dont think u can stay - the flatmates dnt want a guy living here even if it’s just for a few days - sorry!” _

Techno sighed, running his hands through his hair. Crap. He needed somewhere to stay for a few days while he got things set up - at least power and a bed, and hopefully wifi. He had been counting on being able to stay at Riya’s flat for at least a day, but it made sense in an all female flat her roommate didn’t want him in their room and they didn't want a strange man on the couch. He started to search hotel prices when another notification popped up. It was from Dream. 

“ _ Hey! Tommy told me you were moving to FL! Lmk if you need a hand moving or setting shit up :)”  _

A smile twitched at Techno’s lips. “ _ Thanks man-”  _ He began to type. Wait. Maybe Dream could help him out? But they didn’t know each other that well. In fact, Techno didn’t even know what he looked like. But he really needed somewhere to stay and hotels were fucking expensive. He absently chewed his thumb, contemplating whether to ask Dream. “ _ Thanks man, actually I really need somewhere to stay, just for a day to move my stuff in and get things set up if you know anyone - you can say no it’s fine just if you know anyone who could help y'know”  _ He sent the message and switched his screen off, exhaling. He would feel really bad if Dream thought he was just using him, and didn’t want to seem like he was guilt tripping him. His phone let out a muted buzz. Techno quickly checked the reply. 

“ _ You can crash at mine, that’s all good. Where’s your place?”  _

Techno sent him the details, smiling in relief. 

“ _ Oh no way, that's only a half hour walk from mine. You got a car to move your stuff?”  _

_ “Yeah my girlfriend should be around to help me, thanks so much man, you’re a lifesaver.” _

Techno put his phone down. He was so lucky to have someone like Dream to help him out. It was scary enough to be moving to a new state by himself. 

It was all sorted out. His girlfriend would pick him up from the airport, and they would pick up Techno’s boxes from the post office, and leave them at Dream’s house. The next day, while his girlfriend was at work, Dream would help him shift the boxes. Techno was sort of ashamed at how many boxes he had. It was a lot of stuff. He didn’t want to burden Dream with ferrying him and his shit back and forth when he’d already done so much.  _ I’ll walk the last few boxes over myself, _ he thought to himself. 

His hands shook - just the tiniest amount - as he bade goodbye to his parents and sister, watching them wave from outside airport security. It didn’t feel real, more like he was sleepwalking, a dream. 

At the airport in Florida, he ran his hands through his blond hair, trying to tame back the mess caused by the airplane seat. He hadn’t seen his girlfriend in what felt like forever. Scanning the crowd for her dark hair, he heard footsteps thumping towards him. 

“Techno!” Riya wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him towards her. 

“Hello!” chirped Techno, reciprocating the embrace. 

“I haven’t seen you in ages!” she rocked back and forth, causing the tall man to swing with her. He chuckled, looking down at the top of her hair. They pulled apart, trailing strands of hair clinging to his shirt. She still looked the same as the last time he saw her, eyes glittering in joy.

“Quick, my parkings running out,” she led him away from the gate.

Techno watched Riya’s pink-polished nails rap against the steering wheel. 

“So who’s this guy you’re staying with?” She glanced at him out of the side of her eye. 

“Dream, uh, his real name’s Clay. He does Youtube as well.” He felt the atmosphere in the car stiffen. Riya wasn’t too keen on the fact her boyfriend’s job was being a Minecraft Youtuber, and that all his friends also happened to be Minecraft Youtubers. 

“Oh, cool. What does he look like?” 

Techno scratched his neck. “That’s the thing, I don’t actually know…” 

She stared egregiously at him. “You don’t know what he looks like?” 

Techno gave a hesitant half smile. 

She refocused her eyes on the road. “So you’re staying the night with someone you don’t even know what he looks like, and you know each other through… Youtube videos.” 

“Well, we voice chat and stuff…” Techno let his mumbles be drowned out by the car radio. 

She sighed a small puff of air, blowing hair out of her face. “Well, okay, if your heart’s set on it. I’m not sure about this though.” 

“I would’ve stayed with you ideally” Techno defended. 

“Well you know you can’t, Lauren doesn’t want a random guy sharing our room and the rest of the flatmates don’t want you on the couch.” 

“I know, I just-” 

Her voice interrupted his. “Couldn’t you have gotten a hotel room or something? I thought Youtube was supposed to pay well”

“Not really- well I guess, but I just spent a lot on the bond for this apartment, and flights, an-” “Yeah, I get it,” she cut him off. 

Techno stared at the side of her head. 

Her eyes remained fixated on the road, and for a few seconds they drove on in silence.

“Let’s not fight. You just got here.” She lay a hand on Techno’s arm, keeping her eyes fixed straight ahead. “Let’s do something fun.” 

“We have to go to Dream’s house first, drop off the stuff, he’s expecting us.” 

Her sweet demeanor soured for a second, but she took a slow breath and cooled off again. “Right. Mystery Dream’s place, then fun.”

Techno didn’t even have time to prepare himself. Clay had been waiting in the lobby for him, knowing he would be coming. The man smiling and passing through the sleek glass doors looked like nothing Techno had been expecting, not that he had been expecting much at all. Honestly, when he pictured what Dream might look like, he sort of just pictured himself, but shorter. 

Dream stood at maybe only an inch under him, murky blond hair sticking straight up, curling over slightly at his widow’s peak. He was broad-shouldered and would have been stocky without his height, which made him appear more athletic. A smile lit up his blue eyes. 

“Techno, hi!” he reached out one arm for a bro hug. 

“Hello!” Techno leaned forwards, letting Dream’s arm wrap around his shoulders and thump his back. They pulled apart and Dream looked to Riya, offering his hand in greeting. 

“You must be Techno’s girlfriend, hello, I’m Clayton, or Clay for short.” 

“Riya,” she grinned, taking his hand in both of hers. 

“Do you guys need help carrying stuff in? The elevator is working today, thank god.” 

“That would be great, thank you so much!” Riya cooed. 

Techno gave Dream a smile. 

The three of them stood, a box each, squeezed into the mirrored elevator. 

“So you do Youtube as well?” Riya enquired. 

Techno watched from the mirrored wall how she turned to Dream. 

“Yeah, and I stream a bit on Twitch as well.” 

“Twitch?” 

“It’s like, uh, a streaming platform. For games- well, mostly.” 

“Oh, I get it. Why don’t you do Twitch, Techno?” 

He let out an awkward chuckle. “I, uh, just prefer Youtube.” 

The doors opened, splitting the awkwardness. 

“It’s just down this way,” Clay gestured.

Techno let him lead the way to his door. 

Dream balanced the box on his knee to turn the door handle, pulling the door open and kicking a stopper under it. 

_ Wow _ . Dream’s apartment was nice. It looked modern, with mostly black and white decor, like something out of a magazine. A large window overlooked a slice of city life. Riya let out a puff of air from behind Techno, clearly impressed. 

“You can just leave them in a pile here,” Dream put his box next to a grey loveseat, gesturing in its direction. Techno and Riya followed his lead, tucking their boxes away. 

“I’m just going to use the bathroom, you guys feel free to wait or keep ferrying them up here, the door’s unlocked” Dream gestured vaguely towards the door, turning to walk down the hallway.

Techno and Riya nodded in affirmation, and Techno headed to the door, Riya close on his heels.

“You didn’t tell me he was rich!” Riya hissed as they passed through the hallway. 

Techno glanced back. “He’s not- well, I don’t know. I didn’t know his place looked like this either.” They stepped into the elevator. 

“Your new place doesn’t look anything like this!” 

Techno was unsure of how to respond. He gave a small shrug. “It took a while to find that place.” 

Riya gave a flicker of disdain, which Techno caught in the mirrored walls. He felt a small sinking in his stomach. He had been waiting so long to catch up with his girlfriend in person again, and all today had brought was jabs about his job, and earnings, and Dream’s place. Next thing he knew she’d be going on about how gorgeously toned Dream was. 

They pulled more boxes from the trunk. Riya had a small box stacked on top of a squat one. The little box began to tilt precariously as she stepped off the curb. 

“Careful!” Techno yelped, hands full of a larger box. He crouched quickly, positioning his box just in place to catch it on top. 

Riya’s gasp of surprise caught in her throat. She let out a giggle. “Thank god! Those were some reflexes.” 

Techno smiled back. “I’ve been training my whole life for this.” He blew her an exaggerated kiss, and she giggled, shaking her head at his antics. He glanced up and saw Clay’s blue eyes watching them from the lobby. He felt a light blush creep up his cheeks. It felt weird for Clay to see him acting lovey-dovey with his girlfriend, especially since the two had never met face to face before, and Clay probably didn’t know he had a girlfriend till less than a month ago. Clay gave them a tight smile as he passed, striding out to their waiting car. 

“Actually, Clay, me and Techno were planning on going out tonight, maybe dinner and drinks or something like that, if you wanted to join.” The three of them stood in Dream’s living room, boxes scattered against the walls. 

“That’s okay, I actually have a stream planned tonight. You two have fun though” 

Riya didn’t mask her disappointment. “Alright, see you around then. Thanks again for helping us out so much. We really appreciate it!” She gave him a dazzling smile. 

“It’s no problem, really. Techno’s a friend. And I can only imagine how hard it is moving state like this.” 

Techno nodded along gratefully. “You’ve been a massive help.” 

Dream led them to the door as they made plans for the night. “Alright. So just text me when you’re on your way back and I’ll let you in. Have a good time guys.” 

They thanked him again and exited the building.

Techno’s fingers interlaced Riya’s as they strolled down the pathway. Riya had been the one to suggest a walk after they had eaten, and Techno had been all too happy to oblige. It had grown dark, and the path was illuminated by the yellow glow of the street lamp. Out of the corner of his eye, Techno saw Riya looking at him. He turned and they locked eyes, the girl giving him a cheeky smile. 

“Hi” he said softly. 

“Hi” she giggled in reply. 

“Is there something wrong with my face? Or..” 

“I’m just admiring you” She gave his arm a squeeze. He smiled down at her, shaking his head. His eyes glanced up again. She paused her stride for a second, bouncing up on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his jaw. He laughed and kissed the top of her head, sweeping his thumb across her cheek. 

“I missed you.” 

“I missed you too.” 

***** ***** *****

Techno awoke on Dreams couch, the white morning light beaming in through the large window. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. It was quiet in the apartment, but he could hear the city sounds from outside. Dream probably wasn’t awake yet, or was still in his room. Techno reached for his bag, pulling a change of clothes out. He had slept in his day clothes yesterday, not wanting to expose Dream to a shirtless man sleeping on his couch first thing in the morning. He changed in Clay’s modern bathroom, brushing his teeth over the white marble sink. He wasn’t sure whether to leave his wet toothbrush by the sink, or to shove it in his bag with the rest of his stuff. In the end he settled for shoving it handle-down in his bag, hoping it wouldn’t leave a wet patch on anything too important. 

He heard a creak and soft footfalls, a blind sliding open. Dream must be awake. He moved to the corner of the room, switching on his phone. He didn’t want to be right in Dream’s sight if he left his room to use the bathroom, it felt intrusive to see the man fresh out of bed when they were not especially close. 

Nobody seemed to have noticed Techno’s temporary absence online, and he wasn’t all too surprised as his uploading schedule wasn’t exactly consistent or frequent. He heard Dream's door open, and his footsteps pad to the bathroom. There was the sound of a toilet flush and running water. Techno tried to block it out. Listening to Dream take a piss was not on his bucket list. Dream exited the bathroom, brushing his hands on his grey jeans. 

“Good morning” He said, in a deep morning voice. 

“‘Morning,” replied Techno, switching his phone off and standing up. 

“Do you want coffee?” 

“That'd be great thanks” Techno replied gratefully. 

Dream gestured to a bar stool over a kitchen bench. Techno sat, watching him move around his kitchen, pulling out mugs and sachets of instant coffee. 

“These are the ones I have, any preference? The classic ones are the ones I normally have, but there’s also caramel latte, or mocha if you want something sweeter.” 

“Uh, classic is fine. Thanks.” Techno eyed the boxes surreptitiously. He couldn’t imagine Dream drinking a caramel latte. 

“So what’s the plan for today?”

Techno outlined his plan to move the boxes over, emphasising he could carry the last few himself, so they wouldn’t have to make the extra trip. Dream agreed, and after finishing their beverages they loaded the boxes one by one into Dream’s car for the first trip. Techno double checked he had the keys with him. 

“So have you checked it out yet?” 

“Not in person, no, but Riya went in a few days ago to help set up power and water.” 

“Oh cool, so this’ll be your first time. Are you excited?” 

“Yeah, I guess. I haven’t really thought about it. It still doesn't feel real. My own place, you know?” 

“Yeah man, I feel you,” Dream glanced over from the driver's seat. Techno was gazing out the window, watching the fresh scenery pass by. 

“What are your thoughts on Florida so far?” 

“It’s… big, I guess. I’ve only really talked to you and my girlfriend so I guess I can say all the people I’ve met have been great” He chuckled, and Dream joined him. 

“We can hang out more. It’ll be good to have more friends here. Especially someone who understands the Minecraft grind.” 

Techno smiled. He really was glad to have a friend here. He had sort of expected to sink into the background, like he always seemed to do, more of an ‘outskirt’ friend, acquaintance at most. But it was nice there was a real friend here, and the fact he also had the same job was a major bonus. The gods must have been on Techno’s side. 

***** ***** *****

One month. One month Techno had been here, living this new life. He and Dream had gotten closer, sometimes hanging out, playing Smash Bros or watching a sports game. Techno was getting ready for his 1 year anniversary with Riya. He wasn’t a suit guy, he wasn’t going to lie to himself. Suits require confidence, which Techno did not have when he felt like a slightly too old kid squeezed into a batman costume. He had opted for a nice button up shirt and navy slacks that were probably a little too wrinkled. 

The place was only a 5 minute walk away, and Riya was coming straight from her work, so he didn’t have to worry about picking her up. He checked in the mirror one last time. He always thought he looked a bit too pale, and that his cheeks were a bit too chubby and undefined. He sighed sweeping a hand through his hair. At least his girlfriend liked the way he looked. 

He gently lifted the bouquet of carnations he’d bought earlier that day from where they stood in a vase. He let the water stream off the cut stems, and dabbed at them with a paper towel. He didn’t want to get water all down his front and look like he pissed himself. He carried them in one hand, careful not to crush them, as he made his way out the door. The apartment complex lobby was empty, and the night air was thick and gentle. 

The cars passing on the street trailed past, blowing a shiver of air through the flowers, and rustling his hair gently. He had thought about getting a car, but it was another sum to fork up and he had no where to park it. Sometimes he felt guilty when he needed his girlfriend or Dream’s help to get somewhere further out, but they were always willing to help. The exercise was probably good for him anyway. He mostly just sat at his computer all day, and he hadn’t gotten a gym membership here yet. 

He neared the entrance to the restaurant his girlfriend had picked out. It had an Italian sounding name, and the flickering of candles illuminated the tables behind the glass door. He stepped inside, and the server at the door greeted him cheerfully. “Good evening, welcome in. Do you have a reservation tonight?” 

Techno gave a nod of greeting in exchange. “Yup, a table for two, for Techno Blake” 

The server glanced down at a list. She nodded and made a swath with his pen. “Wonderful. That’s right this way.” She guided him to a cute booth seat in the back of the restaurant, where a small white tea candle flickered. He sat, carefully arranging the flowers on the table so as to not crush them. 

The server brought two leather bound menus. “Would you like to order anything to drink now, or are you waiting?” She shot a glance at the carnations. 

“Oh, yeah, I’d rather wait, thank you.” 

The server nodded and scurried away. Techno checked his phone. He was there a couple of minutes, it was no surprise she wasn’t there yet. He absently scrolled through Twitter. A hesitant 15 minutes passed. Everytime he heard the door swing open he glanced up, expecting to see her. Another 5 minutes. The server was watching him, he could feel it. A small blush burned his cheeks, as he pretended to be very absorbed in his phone, even though his twitter feed hadn’t updated since the last time he checked it. 

He heard footsteps come up to the table, and looked up. 

“Techno?” It was Clay. 

“Oh hello!” he said. 

“Fancy seeing you here, you on a date?” Clay gestured to the flowers. 

Techno blushed and nodded. 

“Oh that’s nice. I’m just here with my family. It’s my mum’s birthday.” 

Techno glanced over to Clay’s table where he saw his family sitting and chatting “Oh, tell her I say happy birthday then.” 

Clay nodded and gave a wave as he headed back to his table. 

As more minutes passed Techno could feel clay glance over to his table every now and again. He fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt.  _ Where was she _ ? He had texted her 5 minutes ago, and received no response.  _ She was probably driving, right _ ? Techno huddled further in the booth, trying to ignore the eyes of the staff and Clay. The door swung open. Another presence approached his table. 

“Techno?” It was Riya, finally. “What are you hiding back here for?” 

Techno rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Hm. You should have asked for one of the window tables.” 

“Oh. Sorry” He reached for the flowers, and held them out to her. A trickle of cold water ran down the stems and onto his wrist. 

“Oh, these are lovely, thank you.” She gave them a courtesy sniff. “Mm. My mum loved carnations.” 

He smiled. 

She slid into the booth opposite him. “You didn’t get us anything to drink?” 

“I didn’t know when you’d be here, sorry.” 

She waved him off “It’s fine.” 

She opened the menus and he followed her lead, acting like he hadn’t already read them in the wait. 

“The Linguine sounds nice. So fattening though. All those carbs.” 

“You don't need to worry about carbs, you’re gorgeous,” he said with a shocked expression on his face. 

“Only you would say that,” she smiled back at him. The server came, and she ordered for both of them. Techno was sort of glad, he didn’t really want to meet his eyes after the embarrassing wait. 

He watched her rub her thumbs against the tablecloth. “How was work? Did you get caught up?” 

“Caught up? What’s the time?” She reached for Techno’s phone and checked the time on his screen. “Oh crap. Sorry. Were you waiting? I feel like the worst girlfriend ever” 

“No, no it’s fine, really, I don’t mind” 

“I was just so busy with this poor lady who needed her antibiotics but we were all out, and another lady came up who…” The server arrived with their drinks, and she paused to take a sip from the crystal glass. “...who had her little toddler with her, who was throwing this huge fit because it was late but she needed to pick up her prescription, and the register wasn’t working…” 

Techno zoned out. He saw Clay laughing with his family cheersing their drinks together. A hand drifted in front of his face. 

“Techno? Techno!” 

He snapped back as Riya leaned forwards, trying to get his attention. 

“Are you listening?” 

He nodded. “Register wasn’t working. Right.” 

She pursed her lips. “Are you ever going to get a job?” 

“Job? I have a job” 

“Well, Youtube won’t be forever. You can’t just play Minecraft for the rest of your life.” 

He averted his eyes, exhaling slightly. “Well, I enjoy it. And it does pay.” He said sternly. He didn’t mean to snap at her, but a look of hurt crossed her face. 

“Look, is this about me being late? I already said I was sorry. What more do you want? I’ve been working my ass off all day.” 

Techno watched her hair drag across the table as she leaned in. In the corner of his eye he saw Clay glance at them. 

“I can’t help it if I feel a little hard done by if my boyfriend sits on his ass all day playing games, and then I have to be the one to drop him off after his date because he doesn't even have a car.” The glow of the candle grew larger. Too large. Her hair started smoking, a small flame dancing at the end of one of her dark locks. 

“Are you even listening? Look at me” 

He reached his hand out across the table, holding the burning lock aloft. 

“What are you doing? What th-” She gave a cry of alarm. The diners around them turned to look. The scent of burning hair started to fill the room. 

“What the fuck? Do something!” she scrambled for a napkin, beating at the flame. It smothered for a moment then burst alight again. Techno surveyed the table and grabbed the glass of wine she had been drinking from, dousing her hair with it. The flame disappeared. The restaurant held a beat of silence before small whispers started to ramp up again. Riya sat tight-lipped, red wine dripping from her hair and the sleeve of her blouse. The server, carrying their food, arrived at the table. 

“Are you two alright? Is everything under control?” 

Techno nodded silently. Riya said nothing. 

“Do you need a towel or something?” 

Techno looked to Riya, who held her silence a moment longer before looking up to the server. 

“No. I’m alright thanks” She gave a shaky smile. He nodded and stepped away. Techno wasn’t quite sure what to do. It would be weird to start eating. He didn’t want to make eye contact with Clay, so he studied the tablecloth. 

Riya gave a defeated sigh. She silently moved Techno’s plate in front of him and her own closer. Techno followed her lead and began to eat slowly. They didn’t speak a word as they ate. Riya put her cutlery down before she was even halfway done, and went to the bathroom. Techno continued to eat. Talk about a bad date. He finished, and she returned from the bathroom. 

She didn’t sit again. “I’m done. Let’s go.” 

Techno nodded again, and followed her to the register, reaching into his coat pocket for his wallet.  _ Crap. CRAP _ . It wasn’t there. 

“Uh…” he said, standing in front of the cash register. Riya looked at him, then clicked on. She gave a small roll of her eyes, reaching into her own back pocket. 

Her eyes widened. “Shit.” 

Techno scratched his neck. “Uh… I’m so sorry… Crap” 

The server gave a small hiss through his teeth. They looked a sight standing there, patting their pockets, Riya’s hair still damp and a large red patch like a bloodstain across her shirt. 

“I can, uh, run back to my place and grab my wa-” 

“I’ll pay” A voice interjected. 

Techno looked around. It was Clay, holding his own wallet. Riya stepped out of the way for him. The server gestured to the card reader, and Clay tapped in his pin. Relief washed over Techno as he stared at the back of the blond man's head. He turned. 

“Thanks man, so much. I’ll pay you back - send me your account” 

Clay shook his head. “No, it’s fine, really. You guys look like you had a rough night.” 

“No-no it’s okay let me-” 

Riya grabbed techno’s arm. “You're a dream, Clay. Thank you.” She smiled brightly at him. 

She gave a small pull on Techno’s arm. He stared at Clay a moment longer. She was getting impatient, he could tell. 

“Thank you. Again.” He almost wanted to hug the man, but refrained. He let Riya lead him out and to her waiting car. He opened her door for her, then slid into the passenger side. She started the car, pulling away in silence. He looked down at her ruined top, then away guiltily, at his own sleeves. There was still a patch of water from the carnations - crap! 

“We forgot the carnations!” 

“The what?” 

“The flowers” 

“Oh. Right. Whatever.” 

Techno frowned a little but didn’t say anything. They drove on in silence. 

“How are you feeling, Techno?” She broke the silence abruptly. 

_ What? How am I feeling? _ He thought to himself. It was a strange and vague question. 

“What do you mean?” 

She was silent a moment before answering. “About… us.” 

_ Oh no. Oh nonononono. _ Techno felt a pit open at the bottom of his stomach, his breath caught at the base of his lungs. He moved his mouth but no sound came out. She glanced at him, then back to the road. 

“I... like us,” he stammered out. 

She sighed, clearly not pleased with his answer. The car slowed as she pulled up in front of his apartment complex. 

“I just… don’t think this is working out” she said, not looking him in the eye. 

“What?” he was struggling to find his words. “I really like you, and- and I like spending time with you” He felt his guts squeezing. He knew that sounded dumb. How could he tell her? His words felt snatched dry from his mouth. How could he tell her she was the light of his life, he thought of her everyday and she always made him smile. He treasured her like a burning sun and would stop the world for her if he could. But all that left his mouth was a “uh.” 

She sighed again, and ran her fingers through her hair. They caught at the damp ends and she untangled them with disgust. 

“Look, Techno, this isn’t working. You haven’t got a job, and you just sit at your computer all day, I feel like you don’t even  _ try _ ” 

The jab about his job hurt no less the second time. 

Her fingernails rapped against the steering wheel. “Look, we can still be like, friends I guess. You're a nice guy. I just… I’m sorry” She looked at his face, but he was stock still, staring at his lap. 

“Techno?” 

He didn’t respond.

“Techno? You there buddy?” 

He lifted his head slowly to meet her eyes. 

“I’m sorry Techno. But I can’t do this anymore.” 

No response. 

She sighed again. “Techno can you please get out of the car.” 

He could feel her frustration like a cold needle on his ribs, but he felt so numb and  _ heavy, _ like he was moving through molasses in slow motion. 

“I..” he opened his mouth “I love you.” he mumbled out. 

She gave him a look, thick with pity. “Techno. Please.” 

He closed his eyes for a second, then obliged, moving his hand to the door handle. It felt like his arm was strapped with weights. He clumsy stumbled out of the car onto the sidewalk. 

She rolled down the window to call out to him. “Take care, okay?” The purr of her car’s engine faded into the distance. That felt ironic. Techno felt like he had just been stabbed a million times with a wooden stick. Take care? He stood, swaying on the sidewalk. The breeze rustled through his hair, chilling him. A woman scurried past him looking at him like he was strange. Oh. He probably did look strange. 

He willed his feet to move, picking up one, then the other, like an astronaut slowly plodding along towards the complex door. He stepped, _ plod, plod, plod _ to the elevator, punching the button for the 4th floor, thumping the 3rd as well by accident. His dull face stared back at him through the metal of the button panel. He barely sensed the doors opening for 3, and almost stepped out before remembering he'd hit the extra button, and waited for the doors to close and the elevator to slide up to his floor.  _ Plod, plod, plod _ , he crossed to his door, fumbling for his keys. 

On the other side of the door, he slid to the floor. He felt like he should be crying. Didn’t people cry after breakups? He brought a hand to his face and it came away damp. Oh. He was crying. How long had he been crying for? He couldn’t even feel it. He rested his heavy head on his knees, and began to sob.

  
Techno Blake had always had vivid dreams. Tonight, he dreamed he was in highschool, painting a wall with his girlfriend, Riya. They were searching for a box of teabags that he couldn’t find, then his teeth started to fall out, and he was still searching for something but he couldn’t find it, and suddenly he was falling down the gymnasium stairs, down, down down. He awoke with a start. It took a moment of confusion to realise where he was. He wasn’t in bed, and it was dark around him. He began to make out the shape of his shoes sitting next to him. He was still in the doorway, after - oh. He remembered. The memory of the dream turned sour suddenly as he remembered everything that had happened that night. She wasn’t his girlfriend anymore. The deep pain started to awaken in his gut again. He patted around the floor for his phone, praying for a text from her.  _ Please be all a mistake _ . Nothing from her. A notification from twitch that Dream had gone live an hour ago. He dropped his phone back to the floor, and held his head in his hands.  _ What was he going to do now. _


	2. Chapter 2 - Baby steps

Clay had been streaming for almost an hour, and his patience was starting to grow thin. He was attempting to speedrun a version of minecraft he wasn't all that familiar with, and his luck seemed to be getting worse with each new world he generated. He was just loading up a new world when the trill of his phone started up from his desk where it lay. He checked the ID. _Techno_ ? _Why would he be calling him from his phone_? 

He muted his microphone and picked up. “Hello?” 

Static echoed down the line. 

“Hello?” Clay paused for a response. 

A small thumping sound echoed, then the call hung up. Clay frowned at the phone, hesitating a moment before slowly putting it back down. Why would Techno call him? It didn’t sound like a butt dial. He was glad he didn’t have a facecam, because confusion was etched in his face. He absently chewed his thumb. Maybe he should send a text, just to check if Techno was okay. Clay picked his phone back up, and typed out a message. 

_“Saw u called me. U good?_ “

That should work. He returned to his stream, apologising for the delay. 

Techno had sat, back pressed to the door and legs growing numb from the cold hard floor, until the room seemed to blur into obscurity. His brain seemed stuck on repeat. He was replaying their conversation, their date, everything about her and it struck him to the core. His tears seemed to come in bursts, leaving wet trails down his face he didn’t bother wiping away. He didn’t want to be alone. 

His hands checked his phone of their own accord, searching for a message from her. There was nothing, of course. The notification from Dream still hung on his lockscreen. Techno stared a second longer. _Dream._ Before he knew it, and without thinking, he called him. The rings echoed through his empty apartment. _No. This was a bad idea._ His thumb was already over the end call button when Dream picked up. 

“Hello?” Dream's voice cut through the air. 

Techno felt his mouth go dry. 

“Hello?” Clay asked again. 

Techno gently placed the phone on the ground, as if it were going to explode, and ended the call. He swung his head back against the door, making an awful thump. It would have hurt, if he wasn’t so _numb_. His entire body drooped like a limp puppet, and he willed himself to stand. His weak legs brought him to a shaky stand, leaving his phone where it lay. His head spun and he took a moment to steady himself. His eyes flitted around the dark, empty room. He didn’t want to do anything. He didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t want to move. He just wanted to stop hurting. His feet carried him to his office, and he sat in front of his computer. What kind of cruel autopilot was this, why was this his reflex? He switched it on and stared blankly at the screen. He wasn’t here for anything. He didn’t want to do anything. He was about to move away when a call lit up his screen.

There had been a niggling feeling at the back of Clay’s head. He continued to stream and joke with the chat, but Techno’s silence and the strange call worried him. What if something had happened to him? He’d just seen him earlier that night… Clay decided to end his stream early, much to the dismay of his fans. He bade goodnight to the viewers, and stopped the stream, then mindlessly stared at the OBS menu, considering what to do next. Who could he call? He reached for his phone to dial Riya, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Techno’s avatar pop up in the corner of his screen as his Steam came online. He quickly moved to his mouse and opened Discord. Sure enough, he was online. 

Dream typed out a message. _"Tech! Whats up”_

The screen showed him Techno was typing a reply, then stopped, then began again. The message disappeared again, and Clay frowned, typing out another message. 

_"Did you mean to call me before?”_

Techno began to type again, and stopped. Clay chewed his lip anxiously, and moused over the call button, taking a breath of courage before clicking “call.” The discord ringtone played a few beats too long before Techno picked up. 

“Hey, Techno!” 

“Hello.” Techno’s voice sounded unusually raspy and raw. 

"What's up man? Whatcha doing?" Clay inquired, trying not to be pushy.

"I'm just… on my computer" Techno said lamely.

Clay leaned back in his chair. "Oh, cool." Silence hung thick between them. "So, uh, why did you call?" Techno asked monotonously.

"I was just checking in. I think you called me by accident, then you didn't respond to my texts. I got a bit worried," Clay laughed, "I was about to call Riya to ask if you were okay actually." 

Techno’s mic muted.

He unmuted it again after a measure of time. 

“Sorry. I’m going to go now. Bye.” His voice wavered, and sounded unusually rushed and breathy. 

“Wait!” Dream exclaimed. “Are you okay?” 

He sounded like he was crying. The reply was hushed and barely there. 

“I’m fine.” 

Clay shook his head. “Are you? Can I come over? I’m worried, man.” He heard Techno breathing shakily. 

“...please” The reply was thick with tears and his voice quivered. The call quickly ended. Clay sat dumbshocked for a moment with the punch of emotion. What happened to him? He quickly stood, pulling a hoodie from the back of his chair and sliding his shoes into a pair of sneakers, crushing the backs but not caring. His keys were on the bench, so he wasted no time grabbing them slipping out the door. 

Techno sat for too long, in front of his computer, knees pulled to his chest, and cheek resting against them. _Fuck_ . _He shouldn’t have said anything._ He didn't want Clay to see him like this. He would surely think he was overreacting, fucking _crying_ on a call. He felt disgusted with himself. He stood quickly and moved towards the door where his phone still lay. He would text him, tell him not to come. He would assure the man he was all good, he just let his emotions get to him for a second. No one had to see him like this. As he moved through the room, the edge of his hip caught on the table, jolting it and sending a half-drunk cup of coffee flying. Techno watched, dazed, as the dark liquid splashed across the table and over the chair pulled to its side. The pink cardigan hanging off the chair’s back was soaked. Fuck. That was one of Riya’s favourites.. Riya… He paused for a moment of hurt, then jumped back into action, pulling the cardigan free from the chair. Coffee dripped onto the carpet but he barely noticed, all his attention on the soaked garment. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” he mumbled to himself, carrying the cardigan to the sink. The faucet switched on with more strength than he intended, splashing back and getting his front wet with cold water as well. He wrung at the fabric. A knock sounded on the door. 

“Techno?” called Dream’s voice. 

“Uh, just a minute” he rasped, dabbing at his damp shirt with one hand, cardigan in the other. He frantically looked around the room. Not letting go of the cardigan, he moved towards the door. His foot sploshed into a wet puddle. _Shit_ , he looked down. It was coffee that had dripped off the table. He looked around helplessly, not wanting to track dark footprints across the carpet. Clay must have heard him cursing. 

“Techno? I’m coming in okay?” 

The door handle jiggled. Techno’s breath caught in his throat. He hadn’t locked it. 

Clay opened the door, taking a moment to take in the scene before him. There was a dull thud as Techno’s phone caught behind the door. 

“What the..?“ 

Techno squeezed the cardigan mindlessly. Water and coffee dripped onto the carpet next to him. The brooch that held the cardigan together had come unclasped, and the small pin tip pricked the flesh of his thumb. He brought his hand up to his sight as the pain registered a moment slower. Clay saw the red plume of blood. 

“Are you okay?” He quickly strode over to the other man, reaching for his hand. Techno reflexively snatched the cardigan back towards him. 

“No… no it’s her favourite” he muttered, heading back to the sink where he began to wring it out again. The pin pricked his palm this time. 

“Techno, stop, you’re hurting yourself” Clay sounded alarmed, and his arms reached over Techno’s to pull them away. 

“No, I have to fix it. I have to fix it!” His arms were weaker than Clay’s, and the man easily freed the fabric from his grasp. 

“It’s okay, we can fix it, it’s okay, here just let me take a look.” Clay left the cardigan in the sink and took Techno’s bleeding hand in both of his own. 

“Here, you’re alright, just a prick, let’s wash this off.” He switched the tap on, gentler than Techno, testing the water’s temperature before letting it wash the blood off Techno’s limp hand. He used a tea towel to dab off the water. 

“What’s going on Techno?” He lay a hand on the man's shoulder. Techno didn’t meet his eyes. He didn't say anything, just shook gently for a second. He wasn’t a natural hugger, but something brought him crashing to Clay’s chest. Clay automatically wrapped his strong arms around his torso. 

“She… broke…u-up..” Sobs began to interrupt his words. He heard Clay take a sharp hiss of breath. He embraced him tighter. 

“It’s okay… it’s okay” he soothed. Somewhere at the back of his mind, Techno registered his wet shirt was soaking into Clay’s own. 

“Your… shirt” he managed between sobs. 

“Don’t worry about it, it’s okay. You’re okay” Clay continued to murmur. Techno stopped trying to talk, just wept into Clay's arms. Clay waited for him to pull away first, and when he did, he gently led him to the couch. 

“I’m so sorry, Techno.” 

Techno just nodded, his tears slowing. He swallowed heavily. 

“It just… surprised me… I didn’t see it coming.” 

He felt his nails dig into his palms. Clay noticed, and gently rested his own on top of Techno’s fist. 

“I know. I’m sorry…”

Techno took a deep breath and relaxed his palms, sinking defeatedly into the couch. They sat, with only the sound of Techno’s quiet crying, Clay watching over him with careful eyes. 

Techno was the first to speak. 

“Sorry… that you had to see me like this. And that I worried you.” His voice was raspy and damp. 

Clay shook his head and tried to make eye contact with him. 

Techno didn’t look up, studying the floor intently. 

“Don’t be sorry. Breakups fucking suck. I’m glad you reached out. I know you would do the same for me.” 

Techno gave a small sniffle and a nod. 

“I just… can’t stop thinking about it. About her.” 

Clay gave another nod. 

“I know. My last breakup sucked massive fucking dick. I spent days not leaving my bed wondering what I could’ve done differently. I didn’t feel really okay again until almost a year later.” 

“I just want to forget.” 

“I know, I get that.” Clay shifted his legs. “I’m actually kind of glad for my breakup, in the end. I never would have said this at the start, it was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. But I had to reach out to friends and family all of a sudden, and it made my relationships with them stronger. And I kept forcing myself to say yes to everything. Because I knew it was shit, spending everyday alone and sad in my room, so whenever someone said ‘hey, wanna do this?’ I forced myself to say yes, and I made new friends that way. And now I feel like I know myself better. I know I can get through pain like that, when it feels neverending. And I know not to date girls who are assholes.” 

Techno gave a small chuckle at that. He was still shaking a little, but he wasn’t crying anymore.

“I can’t even believe this is real. Like, it’s just not processing right now. I keep thinking about calling her, because I’m sad and that’s what I’d do, but then I remember I can’t, and I get more sad.”

Suddenly, a hiccup crept up through his throat. 

_"Hic!"_ It interrupted his sobs, and the surprise quieted him for a second, another sob slipped out of his mouth, followed by a loud _"Hic!"_ He started to laugh a little, he sounded like a demonic frog. A smile broke out on Clay’s face. _"Hic!"_ He giggled harder, and his giggles were interrupted by another hiccup, which made them both laugh harder. Techno’s cheeks hurt from laughing and smiling so wide. 

When the hiccups finally quieted, Techno had almost forgotten the extent of his sadness. He still felt a painful longing burning in his throat, but it was harder to be sad when Clay sat there alongside him, smiling and laughing so brightly. 

***** ***** *****

2 weeks later and it didn’t hurt quite so bad. It had been a blackhole for the first days, and Clay had been endlessly helpful, constantly checking up on him and managing to keep his mind off it. Techno was finally trying to get back into the flow of normal life, instead of wallowing around. 

On an online list about how to deal with a breakup, the author recommended exercise. Techno thought this was a pretty good idea, and had splurged on a gym membership for a nearby place. Seeing the insanely muscular men decorating the gym’s advertisement had given him a small sting, an intrusive thought rearing its ugly head without prompting, telling him _"She wouldn’t have left you if you looked like that."_ He quickly shook it off, he knew in his brain this wasn’t true, but in his heart the sentiment burned an ugly mark he couldn’t quite shake. It pushed him to work out a little longer than he probably should have, especially coming from an, admittedly, pretty sedentary life. 

Techno felt like he was going to throw up, sweat dripping from the tip of his nose. He panted away heavily, hoping no one was looking at him hunched over and heaving. Sweat stung his eyes as he lifted his head slowly. His phone buzzed in the holder of the treadmill. He reached for it, glad for an excuse to look busy while standing still. It was from Clay. 

_“Down for bedwars later?_ ” 

Techno grinned. 

_“Definitely. At the gym rn, talk later.”_

Clay replied quickly. _“Oh, good job. Keep it up :)”_

Techno smiled and switched off his phone, deciding to put in just an extra 15 minutes.

***** ***** *****

3 months later and Techno felt like he could see light at the end of the tunnel. He didn’t think about her as much anymore, not everyday. He still had down days, where he lay on the carpet under his desk, wishing with every bone in his body just to be next to her again. But he had good days too. He laughed at funny tik-toks, told jokes to make people laugh on his streams. He bought candles for his apartment, the scent labelled “Sun”, which smelt of sweet oranges. Techno liked them. 

He could push himself further at the gym, and did regularly. He could see his jaw becoming more defined in the mirror every morning. Clay had commented on the change, saying he thought he saw him becoming more defined, and it made Techno beam. Techno had started noticing other people. Suddenly, he started to recognize when an attractive face passed him , when he thought just for a millisecond about what it would be like to kiss them. Actually, a girl had asked him on a date the other day. She was attractive, but the thought of getting into a relationship with her made Techno feel _bad._ He had felt a little bad rejecting her, informing her how she truly was lovely and kind and pretty and would be an amazing girlfriend but he just couldn’t right now. He thought maybe this feeling would go away with more time, though. He was determined to be okay again. 

***** ***** *****

Half a year since the breakup. Techno felt like a different person. He wasn’t sure if he could say he was _happy_ , at least not everyday, but most days he was content, and that was enough. His gym going habits had slipped a little, but he didn’t mind. He needed the time to keep playing games with his friends and growing his channel. Techno was finally starting to click with more people, growing closer to Dream’s friends as well. They were going to a party that night. Clay had insisted he come along, and their mutual friend George was going to be there as well. Techno wasn’t 100% sure who the other people there would be, but the thought of meeting new people sounded good to him. It was strange. Half a year ago the last thing he would’ve wanted was to go to a party full of strange people, but the break up made him realise how important good friends and a strong support network were, just like Clay had told him. He noticed now, in his day to day life how he took the opportunity to get to know people better. Clay had noticed too, and it was probably the reason he had invited him along. 

He had decided not to pregame. He hadn’t drank at a party in a while, so he didn’t want to be testing his limits right off the bat. He and Clay had shared an Uber, as Clay said he didn’t want to be responsible as a sober driver, he wanted to drink a little tonight, let loose. 

As they rounded the corner to the house, he could see rainbow light filtering through the curtains, a couple of silhouette figures slipping into the door. 

The muted sounds of the party filtered through the cool night air as they stepped out of the car. Clay thanked the driver, and the door slammed shut. His feet crunched on the concrete, stepping up to the curb and crossing the pavement towards the house. Techno followed after him, a full bottle of scrumpy swinging from his hand. 

He hadn’t been sure what drink to bring, he had spent what felt like a lifetime in the liquor shop agonizing over his choices. He didn’t want to get poked fun of for bringing cruisers or seltzers, even though they tasted the least bad. Liquor made him throw up. Or maybe he just didn’t know how to pace himself properly around it. Either way, he wasn’t keen to spend the night hunched over a toilet bowl. The scrumpy had been the cheapest, eight standards in the one and a quarter litre bottle. He felt a little awkward lugging it around, but at least he wouldn’t have to worry about leaving an open sixpack in the corner of a room like Dream would have to. He took a sip for courage as they ascended the driveway. It tasted bad, like spoiled fruit soda, but it was at least palatable. 

Clay opened the door, and someone cheered as they saw him. 

“Clay!!! You’re here!” A girl with red hair and tattoos gave him a half-armed hug, holding a cup in one hand and an open bottle in the other. Liquid sloshed precariously over the bottle rim. 

“Hey, Casey!” Clay smiled. 

He turned to Techno, who was still hovering on the precipice of the household. 

“Techno! This is Casey, Casey, Techno. We were in the same dorm freshman year.” 

Techno nodded. Clay didn’t explain how he knew Techno, and he was kind of glad. He didn’t want to be introduced at a party as the guy who played minecraft, even if it was true. 

“Nice to meet you, Techno” she gave him a cursory nod, and someone tapped her shoulder from behind the door, grabbing her attention. 

Clay jerked his head towards the living room and gave him a small smile. It was probably meant to be reassuring. Techno followed his direction, heading into the living room, where people littered the couches, and a couple of small huddles stood chattering. A kitchen was connected to the room, separated by one of the couches, and the yellow light of the rangehood illuminated a man waving to Clay. 

“Clay! What's up man!” 

Clay grinned and crossed the room to him, and they embraced roughly. 

“James, hey!” 

“I haven’t seen you in ages!” 

Techno stood awkwardly behind them, taking a swig of his drink to look busy. 

Clay glanced back at him. 

“This is my friend Techno. Techno, this is James, we flatted together in my sophomore year at college.” 

James held his hand out for Techno to shake. His grip was rough. Techno stepped back and took another drink. One of the clusters of people burst into laughter at something they were talking about. A bottle popped open somewhere in the room. Clay set his pack of drinks down on the counter and freed one from the cardboard. 

“You should find George, he was asking about you before,” James said to Clay, as the man deftly knocked the cap off with the edge of the bench. 

Clay took a drink before responding. 

“Oh, yeah he told me he was coming. Where is he?” 

“He was in the garage playing beer pong just bef-” James cut himself off. “Speak of the devil.” He raised his bottle towards the doorway behind Techno and Clay. 

There came the dark haired man, grinning. A pair of sunglasses were pushed up his forehead, with letters in white-out over each lens spelling _"FULL FCKD_ ” 

“George!!!” Clay called. They hugged, Clay being careful not to spill his drink on George's back. 

“Clay, hello!” George turned to Techno. “Techno!! Good to see you man.” 

Techno accepted his embrace. They pulled apart and Clay hooked the glasses off George's head with his pinkie finger. He inspected the writing. 

“What’re these?” he chuckled. 

George shrugged. “Someone put them on my head. It’s pretty ironic, I’m a sober driver tonight. Got somewhere to be tomorrow morning.” 

Clay made a face of understanding and made to put them back over George’s head, but George stopped him, taking them out of his hands and putting them over Techno’s eyes instead. 

“Perfect.” he laughed. Techno laughed as well and struck a pose. 

“So what’ve you been up to man, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” George said to Techno. Techno began to give his reply punctuated with sips of alcohol. Clay saw someone he recognized passing through the door and held up a finger, mouthing _"be right back,_ ” and slipping off to greet them. Someone new joined their conversation, and left again. George saw a couple of people he knew and brought Techno over to introduce them to him. The night began to blur. 

He had come to sit on one of the couches, in a sort of blobby circle between two couches and an arch of half standing half sitting people. A girl he didn’t know was sitting on the arm of the couch next to him. Her perfume smelled good, like vanilla. She was talking to him. Techno couldn’t remember exactly what she had said before, but he got the jist. She was a sports science major, she was explaining something she was working on in too much detail for Techno to process. He didn’t know what ‘phosphocreatine’ was sober. She was pretty and her eyes twinkled as she talked passionately. 

“-so the phosphocreatine is cleaved to creatine which acts as a fast fuel source for anaerobic exercise like-” 

Techno zoned out again, letting her words wash over him. He watched her mouth moving. She was pretty. She said something that made herself laugh and her face caught in an adorable grin. Someone tapped on Techno’s shoulder. He turned and blinked the bleariness away. It was Clay. “Hey, we’re gonna play a game of beer pong if you wanted to join” 

Techno nodded and started to rise from his seat. The girl grabbed his arm. “Wait, can I get your number?” 

Techno took a moment to process. “Oh, uh, sure.” 

He typed his number into her phone. He might've fat fingered an extra digit. He didn't know. He could feel Clay grinning at the back of his head. He turned to him, giving a millisecond stern look, jokingly. The blond man just continued to smile and lead him away.

How long had he been there? More than an hour for sure. Techno snapped back to reality. He had been brainlessy nodding along to a story about a guy and his friend who liked to ice fish. Or ice skate. Or do ice. Techno didn’t know. He just nodded and drank. A different girl was sitting next to him. She put her hand on his knee whenever something funny happened in the story, and he tried to inconspicuously slide his knee away. He didn't think she was getting the hint. 

_I should find Clay,_ he thought to himself. Without saying anything, he rose to his feet, swaying. The girl looked up at him, then returned her focus to the storyteller, he slipped between two people and someone took his seat on the couch. He saw James leaning against a doorframe, talking to someone. 

“Hey, have you seen Clay?” he asked. 

James nodded and took a swig of his drink. 

“I think he was headed upstairs. He wasn’t feeling so hot before.” 

Techno nodded and thanked him, pushing the sunglasses up his forehead where they began to slip. He stepped over someone’s legs, up the staircase. There were five doorways in the hallway at the top of the staircase. Techno poked his head through the two open doors, seeing only empty bedrooms. One of the doors had _inherently sexual_ sounds coming from it, and he chose not to look. Between the last two doors he tried his luck, and knocked on the one furthest from the stairs. 

“Clay? You in there?” 

“Yeah...” came a slightly slurred response. 

He heard the door unlock. It swung open to reveal the bathroom’s bright white light, and a slightly disheveled Clay standing there, the light casting a halo around his ruffled blond hair. He squinted at him. 

“Come in.” 

Clay moved out of the way, allowing Techno to step inside, and Clay locked the door after him. 

“What’re you doing?” Clay sat on the floor, back leaning against the bathtub. Music from the room below them pounded through the floor. 

“Felt a bit sick before. There’s two bathrooms downstairs, so they told me not to worry about taking this one up. I feel better now though. Here, sit.” 

He patted the ground next to him. 

Techno obliged, leaning against the bathtub. 

“So how’s it going? Having fun?” 

Techno nodded. “Yeah it’s chill. George taught me some trickshots for beer pong. I still suck though.” 

Clay nodded. He took the sunglasses from Technos head and put them over his own eyes.

“Meeting new people?”

“Yeah, I’ve talked to a few people. James seems cool. George’s mates in the garage were chill.” Techno smiled. “What you said, that time, about saying yes to things and reaching out to people, I still think about that. You were so right.”

Clay grinned at him. “I saw you with Leila before, you guys looked like you were getting on” 

“Leila?” Techno scratched his head. 

“She asked for your number?” 

“Oh, her! Yeah…” he trailed off. 

“You gonna text her?” 

Techno took a moment to respond. “She was really nice yeah, really funny and pretty but…” He searched for the right words. “I don’t know man. I just…” 

Clay slid the sunglasses off his face, sensing a serious conversation. Techno wrapped his arms around his own torso, like he was hugging himself. 

“She was really cool and all but, like, I’ve had this thing before where I get on great with a girl and she’s really perfect and kind and wonderful, but I just sort of, can’t see myself being with her. Like I was talking to someone else for a bit last month, and she was endlessly patient and kind, but I was just, endlessly myself.” He stopped for a second and sighed. 

“She was wonderful. We went on a date and I had a great time. But when I thought about being in a relationship with her, or even just hugging her… I felt gross. Like not attracted at all. Even though I know she’s attractive. Like, I don’t know if it’s because I'm ‘traumatized’ or whatever by..” he steeled himself to mention her name “.. Riya, or if there’s something else going on. Like..” he trailed off. He didn’t want to explain anymore. 

Clay nodded understandingly. 

“Hey, I get you man.” He lowered his voice. “Don’t tell anyone this ok? For a long time I didn’t think I was attracted to anybody. I could think about girls and guys and I thought they were attractive. I thought about what it would be like to kiss them. But since I didn't feel extra interested in girls I thought I just didn’t know what being attracted to someone felt like. Then when I was 13 I had a dream I was kissing the boy from the year above us who helped out at football practice, and I realized something was up.” 

Techno blinked. “You like guys?” 

Clay gave a half smile and nodded tentatively, waiting for Techno’s reaction. 

Techno gave a sigh of relief. “I-I don’t have a label. I don’t think I want one. But I think about guys sometimes. Like… that.” 

Clay grinned. “Who would’ve known!” 

Techno found the courage to laugh alongside him. 

“Have you ever come out to anyone else?”

Clay’s face darkened. “I used to. I thought it was important for people to be aware that like, bi people exist, and that we’re normal, you know?” 

Techno nodded and waited for him to continue.

“But when I was in college, I was in some guy's room. I don’t know what we were doing, it didn’t really matter. There were a few of us in there, and it came up somehow. And this guy, he starts saying how hot that is, how I should join him and his girlfriend for a threesome. The other people there, they just laughed. I was so disgusted.”

Techno bowed his head. “I’m so sorry Clay…”

“No it’s okay. You didn’t do anything. That was just on top of this sort of deep _shame_ I had. Like, I knew consciously that being bi was okay, but something felt wrong about it, like it was dirty and evil to like guys. I felt like I was somehow evil among straight guys, that by saying anything about liking guys around them I was somehow corrupting them. I thought for a long time, that if I could choose my sexuality I would be straight in a heartbeat. Avoid all that shit.”

Techno nodded. He knew exactly how he felt.

Clay continued. “But then I thought about what if I had a queer kid. I wouldn’t want them to be ashamed. I would want to show them that being bi was okay. That I was bi, and also normal, and happy. When I started gathering fans I thought about what it would mean to them. To have someone they look up to accept his sexuality instead of reject and deny it. I still haven’t had the courage to come out online though. I probably won’t ever, it feels weird to bring my sexuality up when the content I make is about Minecraft, it just doesn’t really make sense.”

Techno nodded and watched his face carefully. “I haven’t told anyone else yet…”

Clay smiled and lay a hand on his forearm. “I’m really glad you told me. That you trust me.”

Techno laughed and they sat in comfortable silence for a moment, distant chatter and music filtering through the air.

“What’s your type?” Clay spoke first.

Techno gave a small chuckle at his question. He made a pensive face as he sought to answer.

”I like kind of nerdy guys. Not like… sweaty doritos nerd but like, when you start talking about a game they like or fucking, computers or something and they just perk up and you see that spark in their eyes, and they get so excited to talk about it with you.” 

Clay nodded, a spark in his eyes. 

“Yes exactly! I love when they get so interested in something they love, like a movie or a game, and you see them totally in that world of their own.” 

Techno nodded and grinned. _He got it._

“My first childhood crush was Peter Pan. From the 2003 movie. His hair was just..” Techno exhaled through his nose and made a gesture with his hands. 

Clay laughed. “I think mine was Jessica Rabbit, but probably so was a lot of guys’.” 

“Henry Cavill in ‘The Witcher’? That was something… guys with scars are just…” Techno waved his hands around. “And _shirtless_ on top of that?”

Clay chuckled at his enthusiasm.

“Shirtless guys are great but just, you know when a guy’s arm does the thing,” Clay gestured sporadically. Techno made a puzzled but amused face. 

“Like… here give me your arm.” 

Techno held out his arm and Clay held it in his hands. 

“Make a fist” 

Techno compiled. Clay ran the tip of his finger down the veins in Techno’s arm. 

“This thing. Where it’s like, if they get a paper cut, they’d fucking die, but it’s just, so attractive.” 

Techno laughed. “Have you seen Corpse Husband’s hand reveals?” 

Clay nodded emphatically. “Yes exactly, holy shit.” 

“Guys with green eyes are my weakness” Techno admitted spontaneously. “Like Eddie Redmayne, I’ve watched Les Miserables so many times just for him.” 

Clay smiled. “Like my eyes?” 

“Huh?” Techno looked into his eyes. 

“I thought yours were blue?” 

Clay laughed and shook his head, “No, they're green. Well sort of green. Sometimes I get told they look more hazel. But it says green on my driver's license.” 

Techno shook his head in disbelief. 

“No way, hold still.” He took Clay’s face in his hands. His eyes were still bleary from drinking. He held them wide and moved close to Dream’s face to see better. 

“Oh, I see what you mean.” 

They were green, where the white light shone through them. The center of his iris was ringed with a warm brown, and he had a fleck of colour in the bottom right of his left eye. 

“They’re nice eyes.” 

Clay smiled. 

“Thank you,” he said softly. 

From this distance, Techno could feel his warm breath brush his cheek. He hadn't realised how close they were. He froze, wide eyed. Clay’s eyes darted around his eyes. 

“Your eyes are nice too. I thought they were just one colour. But right now they look somehow every colour at once.” He paused, and Techno felt adrenaline make his hands weak. They were still on Clay’s soft cheeks. He parted his lips to apologise. Clay glanced down at his mouth before he could make a sound, and he was stunned into silence. 

He looked so beautiful, right there, blond hair glowing in the bathroom light, cheeks flushed and pink. His eyelids were drooping slightly, and his long lashes cast a shadow over his cheekbones. He had a light dusting of freckles on his nose, that Techno would never have noticed from far away. He looked beautiful, and Techno wanted to kiss him so bad. 

_So he did._

Their lips met, softly and cautiously, as if both of them were allowing the other to pull away if it was a mistake. Neither did. Techno turned his shoulders towards Clay, away from the bathtub, deepening the kiss. Clay put his hand on Techno’s cheek, the rough pad of his thumb swiping the soft skin. He couldn’t believe this was happening. His stomach flittered with anxiety and joy.

 _Thump! Thump! Thump!_ Someone pounded on the door. 

Both men sprang away as if they had been electrocuted, Techno swiping a stray thread of saliva from his mouth, wide eyed. 

“Hey, someone in there? I gotta take a piss.” 

_Thump! Thump! Thump!_

“Uh… yeah!” Clay hastily replied. 

Techno remained stock still. 

“Well can you hurry up?” 

Techno suddenly sprung into action. He checked the room, as if what they just did was stained into the walls. Clay was looking up at him from the floor, like a deer in the headlights. Techno felt a zap of electricity as they met eyes, and was instantly flooded with guilt and shame, looking away. He unlocked the door, pushing past the guy and feeling downstairs. 

_Oh no. I fucked up. Clay._ Techno’s closest friend and he _kissed_ him. That was probably the fastest way to ruin a friendship, ever. Techno felt sick to his stomach, and also like he was suffocating in a wall of sand. He pushed past people to the door, until he was outside in the doorway, gasping for air. A silhouetted figure out on the driveway turned around. 

“Techno?” It was George. “You okay man? You don’t look so good” 

Techno didn't look up to his face, he was bent over dry heaving on to the concrete. George’s silver car keys, held in his fist, glinted up at him. 

Techno shook his head, heaving. 

“Do you need a ride? I was just leaving.” 

Techno nodded, slowly straightening. 

“Alright, you good? Do you need to throw up?” 

He shook his head. 

“Ok. I'm just parked down here.” 

George led him towards the car, watching him, concerned. Techno gratefully followed, mind spinning.

Clay followed him out of the bathroom shoulder bumping into the guy waiting in the bathroom door.

“Oof- careful man,” the stranger muttered, but Clay barely heard. He followed Techno’s retreating back down the stairs. His foot caught on someone's leg, who was sitting across the bottom stairwell. His body thumped into the opposing wall. 

“Woah, hey, careful man, you okay?” 

James’ face appeared awfully close to his own, hands on his shoulders, steadying him. 

“Yeah… yeah, I'm okay” Clay mumbled, he pushed the man aside. “Where’s Techno?”

James shrugged. 

Clay shook his head helplessly and scanned the room. He didn’t see him anywhere. He checked the garage. Someone called his name and beckoned him over, but he ignored them. He needed to find Techno. Leila was standing in the hallway. 

“Where’s Techno?” he demanded. 

She looked surprised at his intensity. “He just went outside a minute ago. Y-” 

Clay didn’t wait to hear the rest. He strode away to the door, pushing it open and letting his eyes adjust to the darkness outside. There were a couple of people on the lawn, but they weren’t _him_. Clay strode down to the end of the drive, looking left and right down the street for Techno. He could hear the sound of his own panting in the quiet night air. A car drove past, and Clay looked up, just for a second. His eyes met a pair of familiar ones, ones he had just been studying earlier - and then he was gone, as the car sped off down the street. Clay’s feet stayed planted to the concrete, all alone in the cool night air.


End file.
